We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
