you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
