There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
