Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
