Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
