how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
