I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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