the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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