Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
