Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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