Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
