On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
found the other keg... it's in the tree
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize