he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
