Four minutes until I can fart!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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