If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
