I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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