it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
This gyro tastes like lonliness
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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