All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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