dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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