His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
