I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
