Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
