i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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