Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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