pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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