And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
