It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
