Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize