Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
