im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
