I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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