Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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