yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
