i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
