I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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