she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
