There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
