Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
