I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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