if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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