Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
