We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Randomize
