I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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