I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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