All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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