why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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