if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
