at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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