All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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