If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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