You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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