i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
In other news, I just burned my penis
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
