dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
