i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Dignity is for republicans.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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