I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
