Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
