Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
