So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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