What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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