I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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