This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
