I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
my being single is dangerous.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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