Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
