im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
