Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
