At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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