You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
